The Bird and Beef!

Your turkey ships the within one to two days of ordering — or you can choose overnight shipping. Plenty of time to thaw your panic, not the turkey — it’s already cooked.

Smoked for 7 hours, vacuum-sealed using sous vide packaging, then flash-chilled. You heat it in 160°F water for 10 minutes. It's easier than reading a legal brief, and way more delicious.

Just a pot of hot water heated to 160°F and 10 minutes. A basic kitchen thermometer works fine if you don't have a sous vide machine (that's French for "fancy water heater"). If you can boil water and check the temp, you can handle this. No smoker, no oven gymnastics, no "is it done yet?" panic.

Absolutely! Select "Local Pickup" at checkout if you're in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. Or browse our full Holiday Specials - In Store Pickup Only collection. Either way, you save on shipping, we save on cardboard. Everybody wins.

Vacuum-sealed and refrigerated: 30 days. Frozen: 6 months. So yes, you can order now and stop worrying about November 17rd deadlines like a normal person.

It's French for "fancy water heater." The vacuum-sealed bag goes in 160°F water for 30 minutes. The turkey heats evenly. You look like a genius. Check the temp with any basic kitchen thermometer and you're good to go.

6-8 people comfortably. Or 4 people who really love turkey. Or 2 people and a week of incredible leftovers. We don't judge.

We guarantee delivery 3 days before Thanksgiving. If something goes wrong (and it won't), call us immediately at 214.346.3287. Unlike my law practice, our customer service doesn't bill by the hour.

Establishment 980. That's our official USDA plant number—means federal inspectors have access to our facility and we meet their standards. I used to be a lawyer, so I'm still paranoid about this stuff. Every product (whether it legally requires USDA certification or not) is made and packaged in our USDA-inspected facility. Your food safety is my obsession.

No. Unlike legal deadlines, this one is firm. Turkeys don't respond to panic or last-minute motions. Order by November 17th or face the consequences (dry grocery store turkey).

For smoked meat? No. But you can absolutely send this as a gift. At checkout, enter a different shipping address. We'll include a note that says "You're welcome" from you.

Smoked for 7 hours over real wood. Not injected with "solution." Not pumped full of water. Just turkey, smoke, and a decade of perfecting the craft. Plus, Guy Fieri and Texas Monthly agree with us.

Show her this page. Specifically the part where other mothers-in-law approved. Or just order it and take full credit. Attorney-client privilege protects your secret.

Yes! Check out our full 2025 Holiday Specials collection. Brisket, sides, desserts—we've got your whole Thanksgiving covered. Less cooking, more wine drinking.

If you're not satisfied, contact us within 48 hours of delivery. We'll make it right. I spent years in depositions—I don't dodge accountability now.

Yes. The BBQ is better than my closing arguments ever were. USDA certified because I'm still paranoid about getting sued."

I was tired of dealing with turkeys. Now I just smoke them. Way more satisfying. Plus, nobody ever said "that brief changed my life," but they say it about my brisket all the time.